I have what’s been called a “baby face” – if babies had short, bushy eyebrows and persistent acne, that is. People tend to think because I look like a sloppy, awkward teenager, I probably am one. So now that I’m pregnant and starting to show a little, when I have somewhere important to go, I’ll find myself standing at the mirror thinking, “Okay, how can I not look like a teen mom today?”
There’s no shame in being a teen mom, but as I’m sure actual teen moms will attest, they don’t get a lot of respect. So if I have to go to the bank or converse with an arrogant OB, I’m breaking out the blazer and brow filler.
But then, a funny string of events happened this past Sunday.
On Sunday mornings I go to church to teach sex-ed to middle schoolers. (Not your typical worship experience I know.) The kids have been learning about gender and sexual orientation so we started class with a discussion of stereotypes. The minister who was co-teaching with me this week asked the kids what stereotypes they’ve heard about teenagers.
“They’re moody and emotional.”
“They don’t care about anything or do anything, they just sit in their rooms with the door closed, on their cell phones.”
That sounded familiar, in a discomforting kind of way. But we moved right along and after class I went home to tend to my usual business of nursing my headaches and trying not to vomit. A few hours later it hit me. I texted my minister:
“I am lying in my room alone, just being miserable, TEXTING my husband downstairs to ask what’s in the fridge.”
All this time I’ve been trying not to look like a teen mom – I straight up am a teen mom. I mope and throw fits and when I’m not texting my husband to bring me things I’m just obsessively googling.
I’m still waiting on that second trimester new-lease-on-life feeling to come around and turn me back into a functioning adult human. So far all I’ve gotten is that second trimester low blood pressure and light-headedness. And the constant headaches are a sign I still haven’t adjusted to my body’s new workload.
So for now, I guess my best bet is to give in and embrace my inner teen mom. Embrace the acne and the condescending OBs, embrace the moods and the finickiness and the laziness and the just wanting to be alone, okay?!?!
Who knows, maybe I’ll get on MTV and become famous.
And then all y’all haters can cash me ousside, howbow dah?